Facebook: The Mood Killer

Why do I hate Facebook so much? It’s not just the fact that they are a truly evil company. Look into the effect they have had on the political landscape, hell, just society as a whole.

No, it’s not just that.

It’s the way they are so very much like that one friend who is there to remind you of all your failures, all the things you have ever done wrong or the friends who now live only in your memories that you have been desperately trying to hold on to or keep them silent. The one with no Filter who really has your back occasionally but is way more likely to say just the wrong thing at the worst possible time.

But you can’t get rid of them.

I have reached a stage in life where there are actually friends that the only way I know for sure how to contact them is on Facebook. Other friends who I can’t really say I want to be in touch with at all, but I like that I can periodically keep up with them by seeing what they have chosen to share with the world. And a few friends who are famous enough that I would never ask them for their actual phone numbers or email addresses, but I know I can see what they are working on, or share what I have been working on through the magic of the tragically dysfunctional relationship I have with a website that is out to conquer the universe through truly awful and subversive means.

I really hate Facebook, not sure if that is quite coming through…

But here’s the thing, I have actually reunited with past loves through Facebook (even if those turned out to be horribly abusive and bad relationships in the end), I have managed to be more connected with some of my heroes, to the point where I have considered them friends. I’ve gotten to take classes I never thought I would need, I’ve bought software I really enjoy and I have had some real serious dopamine inducing events through the magic of this Bob-awful website. So, it’s not like I can actually quit. So I end up scrolling through this wasteland of political nonsense, this field of dead dreams and dreamers that just won’t shut up in my head.

I have decided to actually risk everything safe and follow my dreams to try to do something that makes me proud to be who I am, makes me believe in myself and humanity and that actually really truthfully just enjoy doing.

I love a good story, especially when it’s true. I love being the one who really does know the most about the topic, and who knows more about my life then me?

All of this started because I woke up in a really good productive creative mood. I even started working on some new loops to play with. But then I took a vape break and started the doom scroll. Then I was reminded of the loneliness I have been fighting. That one of my bestest friends ever is gone forever and I never realized how much she mattered until she was gone. That I can have platonic female friends who I just wish more than anything that I could have more coffee table chats with. And now I can’t stop tearing up because I know how cold and lonely and sad my world really is right now.

F*ck You Facebook. I want to be productive, I want to move on. But how can I when I keep being reminded why every day I go back and erase all my memories from Facebook. It’s hard to move forward when all you can see is your past.

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