I was thinking about trust this morning, what it means to me, why I lack it for the most part, all the things associated. I feel like I don’t trust people in general, and the ones that I do trust I tend to trust too much. It’s a complicated issue and I feel like I should dive right on in

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.

George MacDonald

So What is Trust, and how do I acquire some?

I am probably going to end up shooting myself in the foot on this and revealing far more than I should; But to me trust is very much related to respect and appreciation. I will take the advice of someone I fully trust to the point where I will value their opinion over my own. When seeking guidance on a life issue I will basically do what they tell me to, even if it sounds like a horrible idea to me. Because why would someone I trust ever steer me wrong?

When it comes to a collaboration of some artistic merit I will listen to somebody else’s idea and either restructure the project adding what they say or reworking the project to their ideas.

It is much, Much easier for me to trust somebody in an artistic endeavor than a life endeavor. But I certainly do have a larger group of friends that I run things through for life than than I do for art. The handful of people I listen to about my career and my artistic plans are people who have not only earned my respect as musicians/Photographers/artists, but they are people respected in their field.

The people I trust with my life, my psyche, my soul? More people, less influence. I get a general consent. I usually have one person I tell the vast majority of the story to. One very close friend who gets to hear most of it. But nobody ever hears all of it. Partly not to put the burden on anybody, but mostly because when I trust someone completely, it always seems to end with me hospitalized and a family member having to help me move into a new home.

As I write this, I notice that I’m not even comfortable discussing trust with a faceless nothingness. (I don’t actually believe that anybody reads this other my mother, and there’s all manner of trust issues with that relationship.) If I can’t even define trust, how am I going to discuss it and how to build it and maintain it? It’s a repetition of events that allow one to believe that somebody else has one’s best interest in mind. That’s what it is to me, in any case.

So how do I build and maintain trust? To me at least, it is entirely a matter of time, and as somebody who wants everything ten minutes before I thought of it, that can be difficult. I have to just allow friendships to develop, for trust to build and for life to happen.

The last place I was living, I got frustrated very quickly that the friendship with my roommate was taking so long to develop. I got frustrated when she did not want to jump right in and trust me the way I felt we had to. She was guarded and cautious, and I was not. Not at all. Revealed too much of myself too fast and look where it got me.

So the lesson I seemed to learn from that one is friendships are a thing that has to grow and be nurtured and slowly develop. Not a damn thing you can do about that.

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